The eyes have it?

eyes

34 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eyes are healthy, your whole body also is full of light. But when they are unhealthy, your body also is full of darkness.

35 See to it, then, that the light within you is not darkness.

36 Therefore, if your whole body is full of light, and no part of it dark, it will just as full of light as when a lamp shines its light on you.”

Luke 11:34-36  (NIV)

 

This morning I stopped at a convenience store to get coffee and as I got out my money to pay and looked up at the cashier she said, “OH MY THOSE EYES! YOU HAVE THE MOST GORGEOUS EYES! I bet any women just fall in love with you with one look into your eyes.”

I really didn’t know how to respond other than say thank you as it was a nice compliment. She responded, “ its everything about your eyes, the color is amazing, the shape, a little slanted looking but still wide, your eye lashes are amazing too.” I replied “Thank you.” Again but as I started to turn she said, “You can tell a lot about people by their eyes. There is something about you, you seem to have a little sadness in yours, but you have a love and joy that just, I dunno just shines like a fire, no, that’s not right, they shine but not harsh. Some sort of radiance and glow, happy and peaceful no matter what sadness is there. You just have such amazing eyes. I don’t tell people things like that, I don’t know why I told you. I’m not flirting or anything but I have never seen anybody with eyes like yours. If my boyfriend had eyes like that, so full of love and I dunno maybe peace that it just, wow, makes me feel happier too, but if he had eyes like yours I would be afraid to let him out of my sight besides, I’d want to just look into them all the time. They are piercing, like they could cut right through but still soft and gentle, kind, intoxicating. I feel like I could dive into them.”

Once again, I thanked her. She then said, “How can they have the sadness but still so much, happiness, no more than happy, Joy, like everything is wonderful in your life?”

I said, “Jesus puts the joy there, the love, the contentment and bliss. I have things that I am sad about, all of us do. But He puts far more love than I have sadness.”

She commented that her mom said similar things at times. We talked a little about church, her mom goes, but she doesn’t but her mom nags her to go. I said I thought her mom was right and she should go with her. She said, “Yeah, I think I will.” Hopefully, she follows through.”

I said thank you again and left. But, the interaction made me a little uncomfortable, I could tell she wasn’t trying to flirt and was being nice and it was flattering to hear but for some reason I have never been comfortable receiving compliments. Maybe because I have had instances where I have been complimented and then found the compliments were hollow. Maybe it’s because I have never enjoyed being the center of attention, preferring to be giving attention than receiving it. Perhaps because of prior life and military experience where it’s critical to not be noticed, many of the military operations and missions I participated in required we fit in with the civilian population in various countries with individuals selected, in part, due to physical appearance and language abilities in addition to other capabilities. But, I digress, sorry for the deviation from the intended discussion. But a reasonable side note about attention and either seeking attention or trying to avoid it. Maybe I’ll talk on that on a future post. OH, WAIT, I think I already did, OOPS.   AND….. back to the matter at hand.

Eyes, we all have them, well other than extremely rare exceptions and once upon a time I believed, as strongly as humanly possible, that one’s don’t lie. I still believe it. Maybe it’s a gift of the Holy  Spirit to see more than what is said, maybe we can all do it to one extent or another. But, I have always been able to look into a person’s eyes and KNOW if they were telling the truth or not. If the said they were happy and I looked, I could tell if that was or wasn’t true, at times I have pushed the matter and found out they did have some significant issues going on making them extremely sad and depressed and if nothing else let them talk through things, giving advise if appropriate, but usually just lending an ear. Sometimes I have seen people in pain, physical or emotional, that denied having any sort of pain, but I could see suffering in their eyes and after they admitted it, I would do what I could to help them.

I have seen joy, sorrow, anger, pain, rejoicing, love, hate, emptiness and many other things. And I was never wrong……or I should say that I do not believe I have ever been really wrong, but there have been a few times I questioned if I was right. Did I misread someone’s eyes? I have to say I really don’t think so but sometimes, their actions later seem to say differently than I thought.  So, that leaves me confused, did I misread or are they that good of a liar their eyes don’t even give them away?  Or, was I correct but for some reason their actions are not as they should be at whatever time it caused me to have the doubt?

I sometimes wonder if it just a few that are able to do so or if all can. My mother was really good at it. She could see people and even if smiling and laughing she knew they were covering up something, usually some sort of sadness. She would see someone and comment they had some sort of emotional or spiritual pain or conflict and then tell me or us, depending on who else was there, that she was going to go talk with them and when I was younger I’d get dragged along. She would start talking to them, sometimes they were total strangers at Kmart or Woolco or the mall, it could be anywhere. At first the smiling continued and almost always the person would shake their head and try to smile, but it was never as much. She’d continue talking with them often about random things and eventually say “Are you sure there is nothing bothering you?” They’d again shake their head sometimes more aggressively, trying harder to say no and she would talk a little more and this would go on a couple minutes or longer but eventually when she asked they would finally say, “I do have something upsetting me.” Or another phrase along those lines and proceed to tell her. Man, some of the things they would tell her were shocking. They were in legal trouble, looking at divorce, a girl might be pregnant, someone close died, on and on the list of things goes. So many people I saw this with, so many different problems. She definitely had a gift. After they talked some she made suggestions about lawyers, counselors, etc. the people always seemed relieved and that someone cared enough to actually see the sorrow and listen to them. She impacted tons of people that way. She could even see it in pictures of people she knew, the better she knew them, the more she could see things. I had photos from Iraq, some I had taken, some I had others take with my camera, some that people had taken and emailed me that I was showing my parents. I had the, ummm shall we say, less family friendly photos from combat and medically related photos, etc in separate file because I know that would have upset them, but as I showed them the photos, there was one that was taken shortly after we returned to camp after several hours of intense combat, that was kind of a close up of me and another guy. They had already seen a couple from the same time, we were all unwinding so to speak, laughing and joking about this or that and, nothing close enough for my mother to see me closely and they all looked like we were just a bunch of guys, hanging out, having fun. She actually commented that we must have been having a good time because everyone was smiling and you could tell a couple were laughing. I did at times while we were hanging out. But, when she saw the one picture that was pretty close up, she said, “WHAT WAS WRONG?” I asked what she meant. She said, “Your eyes, there was something wrong that day, something happened, something very bad. What was wrong? Did you get hurt or something? Was someone you know killed? Something happened, something very, very bad.” Well, I gave her a vague answer that, yes, we had been in contact that day for several hours and ye, there were people killed. She said, “I knew as soon as I saw your eyes in the picture, I knew. But, there was more wasn’t there?” Well, I was not going to burden them with other details, as I had killed people that day, seen others killed, some Americans, some Iraqis. I had some close calls, it was the day my back got broken and such as well. She could tell I was reluctant to say more, but said, “I know there was more, but I understand if there are things you don’t want to talk about. I just knew something was wrong.”

It was a gift she had, God gave her the ability to see more in a person’s eyes, not the color, shape, eyelashes or other things like that, but something deeper in the eyes. She used that to minister to people at times and was able to help them, at least a little. As I mentioned, I am able to do it as well, I don’t think as well as she could, but I can. I have, as I mentioned, seen more than people say in their eyes. I have seen the opposite of what people say, I have seen hate, love, joy and sorrow as well. What troubles me is when I see people I know well smiling, whether in person or a photo, but see their eyes and see sadness, guilt, pain, suffering of some kind. Perhaps they or someone close lost someone, or has health issues but there is some kind of suffering. No matter what they say, or how much they deny it, I know what I see, just as my mom could see the same in peoples’ eyes. Sometimes, I can reach out to the people, other times I cannot, but whether I can talk with them or not, I pray for them. Pray that God will help them with whatever it is bothering them, help the pain, sorrow, guilt, whatever they feel, help them address the cause and make things right for themselves and more importantly, with God. Perhaps that is due to the need to spend more time praying, reading the Bible, confess something to God, or whatever other issue may be the cause. I just pray that God help comfort them, show them what He wants them to see and know and they allow Him to work in their lives.

 

But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear. Matthew 13:16

 

1 Now concerning spiritual gifts, brethren, I would not have you ignorant.
2 Ye know that ye were Gentiles, carried away unto these dumb idols, even as ye were led.
3 Wherefore I give you to understand, that no man speaking by the Spirit of God calleth Jesus accursed: and that no man can say that Jesus is the Lord, but by the Holy Ghost.
4 Now there are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.
5 And there are differences of administrations, but the same Lord.
6 And there are diversities of operations, but it is the same God which worketh all in all.
7 But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to every man to profit withal.
8 For to one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom; to another the word of knowledge by the same Spirit;
9 To another faith by the same Spirit; to another the gifts of healing by the same Spirit;
10 To another the working of miracles; to another prophecy; to another discerning of spirits; to another divers kinds of tongues; to another the interpretation of tongues:
11 But all these worketh that one and the selfsame Spirit, dividing to every man severally as he will.
12 For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ.
13 For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we be bond or free; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.
14 For the body is not one member, but many.

I Corinthians 12:1-14

 

23 And he turned him unto his disciples, and said privately, Blessed are the eyes which see the things that ye see:
24 For I tell you, that many prophets and kings have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them.

Luke 10:23-24

The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints, Ephesians 1:13

 

22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!

Matthew 6:22-23

 

But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

 

He tells us to look inward at people, that the eyes are truly the window to the soul, I can see far more than people say, I can see hurt when they smile, I do not think that I am unique and I believe that there are many that can see the same as I see in others’ eyes. If it is not as common as I think it is, then it is a gift from God and all glory goes to God for any good for anyone that may come out of my seeing things and helping others if I am able to do so.

Lord, I thank You for your mercy and praise Your Holy Name. I ask in Jesus name that I be able to see into others’ souls even better than I feel I do now and that You help me know when and how to help those who are hiding pain and suffering. Give me the words to minister to their needs. I thank You for my salvation and the sacrifice of Your Son, Jesus that gave me my deliverance. I pray You continue to work in my life to help me serve Christ better and to be a better example of Him.  I ask that You help me bring family and loved ones, as well as others, to you.

Amen

 

Thank you for the time it takes to wade through my posts. I hope that something helps someone, either because they are hiding pain, or that it helps someone try harder to see the pain in others eyes and that they are able to help them somehow. I hope all have a blessed day today, and as always, ask you try to be a blessing to at least one other person.

 

 

I bless all they who did me wrong and thank God for the trials and tribulations.

I preface my post to say that this is a post Of joy, salvation, mercy and grace of Christ’s love for me and the redemption He gave to me.

Over the last few years I have had many things happen. Some of excruciating pain; some of joy I’d never known and others throughout the spectrum between those extremes that were primarily emotional but some physical. I fell while climbing in mountains and severely injured my neck and had pain, numbness and weakness in my hands and I had to have surgery for that. The fall also aggravated pain from spinal fractures lower in back I sustained in Iraq. I lost my mother and father in less than a years time. I was emotionally abandoned on more than one occasion by more than one person at times I needed them most. One of which I truly never thought would do so. I had sudden horrid pain in one ear and then lost all hearing in that ear which required several difficult treatments that did not help and underwent cochlear implantation surgery to have some hearing returned. I have been lied to, lied about, had false accusations made about me, later to learn through a mutual friend who did not know it was I that was the victim of the sick ploy that my accuser was almost 100% certainty the one that accused me had done so and bragged about setting the idiot up to take a hard fall in a twisted plan to assasinate my character, had my words twisted to discredit me, seen those who should have not believed those lies accept them as truth, I gained and lost things that had more value to me than life itself. I have seen the destruction of my marriage and other relationships through actions of others. I have seen family and loved ones become hateful and bitter towards one another. I have seen those same people steal from my mother in the last weeks of her life as she lay sick and dying. I have had siblings manipulate her at the same time and through deceit stole things of tremendous emotional and some monetary value from me and other siblings.

In the last 8 months I had transferred every dollar I could from my inheritance and other assets that were not mutual property into a joint account and changed beneficiaries on my life insurance policies which was exceeded my income for over 5 years. I was all but guaranteed a job in the area that I had planned to move that, due to significant stress in my life at the time and an inability to focus on the questions due to distracted thinking, the final interview did not go well and the offer was withdrawn. I had gotten legal counsel during this time so that the next steps would happen without any anticipated complications. But, I had not told those impacted yet as I wanted all the pieces in place so things would go as smoothly as possible and to avoid disappointment if there were problems with the job that would not permit the steps to be taken immediately. I planned to tell all those involved of my decision and plans on a particular date and literally 2 days before that day I was given devastating news that shattered those plans and caused the problems at the interview.  I have spoken hard truths in an attempt to help protect others caused they I wanted to protect to have hard feelings towards me. I have had more sorrows as well that are far too numerous to mention.

I have had joys as well. My neck issues are resolved; my back pain is improved markedly; I have had hearing restored in my deaf ear; I had love that was beyond anything I had experienced before (until returning to Christ which is absolutely a perfect love,) I had many more joys as well also too numerous to mention.

As I think on all these things, I realize I have lived a human existence, filled with the spectrum of emotions, events, trials, tribulations, joys and pains that all experience at one time or another, not exactly the same, but very similar.

Due to all these things I have been through the gamut of human emotions. I was at times happy, sad, ecstatic, in the depths of dispair all of which are difficult to fully explain as there are some things for which I have no words.  Many of these experiences were due to actions of and maltreatment from others. But I do not only fault others, in fact I thank others and fault myself as during those times I was far from blameless in my actions and am equally or more culpable for many of the negative things I experienced and my behavior was very wrong to myself and others.

I do not say these things looking for pity or glory. Most the things I experienced, as I said directly or indirectly,  occurred from my actions that were wrong and for that I have confessed those sins to Christ and been forgiven. He has redeemed me and I have my salvation. I have a relationship with Jesus that is far deeper than years ago when I had was walking with Him. I have the love, joy and peace only Christ can give.

I also do not say these things to point fingers at others or with intent to cause others to feel guilt, shame or sorrow. Those who made decisions to do as they did and treated me wrongly need forgiveness from the Lord need only address those issues with Christ. I bear no ill will, hate, anger or contempt for those people. I have the love of Christ for them and long ago forgave them their actions and hope that any that I did wrong or feel I did will forgive me.

All these experiences and many experiences over my entire life had left me bitter, angry, filled with sorrow, self pity and with all manner of other negative emotions. Yet, not inspite of these things but rather because of the trials, tribulations, pain and suffering I came to Christ and am saved. Unfortunately, there is no sinner of which I know that does so in times of joy. No, but as did I, they come to Him for help in times of need and dispare.

I did not enjoy the unpleasant and painful situations and had bad feelings towards many, some guilty of wrong deeds, others not. But, for those who did me wrong and inflicted pain and sorrow beyond my human ability to bear I thank you and bless you. I praise God for the hard times, trials and tribulations. For had those things not occurred I would not be in the relationship with Christ I am at this time.

Some of the most vicious and hateful actions occurred after my salvation by those used by the enemy to try to rob me of my redemption. To those who were used in that way I DOUBLY BLESS YOU! For through those times rather than fall victim to Satan’s attacks my faith and relationship with Jesus was strengthened tremendously!

 

PLEASE, do not think this is a Oh pity me story. Do not think it to cause others pain or frustration. It is not a self pity party. NO IT IS NOT!

This is a post of JOY and LOVE! I am joyful in my salvation and have been filled with Christ and his love for me and all others!!!!! It is a post of PRAISE for God and His endless love and mercy and for all He is!

4 But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us,
5 Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved;)
6 And hath raised us up together, and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus:
7 That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness toward us through Christ Jesus.
8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9 Not of works, lest any man should boast.
10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.

Ephesians 2:4-10

 

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

 

 

21 But now the righteousness of God without the law is manifested, being witnessed by the law and the prophets;
22 Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:
23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
24 Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:
25 Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God;
26 To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus.
27 Where is boasting then? It is excluded. By what law? of works? Nay: but by the law of faith.
28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.

Romans 3:21-28

 

10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness’ sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
12 Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Matthew 5:10-12

 

38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:
39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.
41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.
42 Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

Matthew 5:38-48

 

No, this I not a post of accusation, hate, pity, sorrow, misery, but of SALVATION through Christ, the Son of God. Through His sacrifice and suffering I am made whole, into a new creature. I am not yet perfect, but He is not through with me yet. PRAISE HIS HOLY NAME!

NONE of the ability to forgive or bless, NONE of the rejoicing, NONE of the comfort and peace is because of me. It is through Christ in me that it is all possible.

 

My Heavenly Father, I praise Your Holy Name and Your Son, Jesus. I thank You for my salvation, for all the trials and tribulations that lead me to You. I praise You and Christ for the sacrifice and mercy that gave me that salvation. I thank You for the ability to forgive and bless those who helped me get to the lowest place in the valley. I praise You for lifting me out of the despair, anger, pain, suffering and sorrow. I ask that You continue to help me learn how to seek You and to continue helping me learn to think with the mind of Christ. I ask that You draw all to You, especially my loved one. Show them all Your mercy and love and the path to salvation through Jesus. Show them all Your plan in their lives.

In the precious name of Jesus I pray and ask these things.

Amen

 

I will end noting that some of my posts have been misinterpreted, misunderstood and twisted by some. I do not believe that any of those to whom I referred very vaguely read this blog so I would hope all would see that I am not trying to cause anyone to feel guilt. No, it is about the healing power of Christ. I give the descriptions only so others may see His Mercy, Grace and Love. I do not attempt to say that any of this is of me but of Christ.

I thank you all for taking a few minutes to read this post. I pray that God will have something in there for someone besides me and that He use me to help others. Please do your best to be a blessing to at least one other person today.

 

 

 

The Outcome

hospital

Sometimes, in medicine, there are patients that you can’t help as much as you would like. The injuries they sustained or the disease they have has progressed to the point that nothing humanly possible, despite all the surgical options, medications, and other treatments that are options just won’t be enough to change the outcome, the results. Maybe they were in some sort of accident, the have severe facial injuries that, regardless of how good the surgeon is, they cannot prevent a certain amount of scarring, sometimes significant scarring. Other times, someone has such bad pneumonia, lung disease, bad heart disease, kidney disease, cancer or other disease that is just so far progressed, that no matter how hard one tries, all the best specialty doctors can’t change the outcome. The patient will not recover, the doctors cannot restore their health, undo the disease and there will be what we sometimes call, a negative outcome. We try to say things in clinical language, not because we do not want to admit that sometimes our best is not good enough and patients die. Our best efforts are inadequate. We try to prepare the patient and family for what is going to happen. Sometimes they listen and do their best to make sure their loved one is made comfortable, they spend time with them, trying to make suffering as minimal as possible and to try to squeeze just a little more time with their family member. Surrounding the patient with those they love most. But other times they get upset, angry, frustrated and look to see who can be blamed. Some blame the doctors, some blame themselves or other family members, some blame the patient for not doing better taking care of themselves, not getting medical care sooner, etc, some blame God.

Sadly, sometimes people do not get better, sometimes you cannot change the outcome. I have at times, seen things that made me know what the outcome was going to be, although the exact time line for the final outcome is uncertain. I have had people; patients, family members of patients and others, get upset because I am in a situation where the information they are given is not what they want to hear. Some listen, understand and do what they should to prepare while others completely ignore the information they are given and proceed like things are just fine, then act shocked with the exact result they were told to expect occurs. Some spend a lot of time praying, waiting for a miracle. Miracles do happen, but often, for reasons only God knows, He does not always change the outcome. People all respond differently to that fact.

Responding to those who are saddened by the news they are given is easy, you let them talk, you listen, you give them a shoulder to cry on if they need it. But how does one respond to those that get angry when given accurate information? Well, sometimes, all you can do is give them time to process the information and sometimes they realize that what they were told is correct, and nothing will change the final result. So that they can mentally and emotionally prepare themselves when the process continues to the inevitable end. Sometimes you have to let them unleash their anger on you for giving them the news they didn’t want to hear and, if when the final outcome occurs, sometimes they will still want to lash out at someone and if you are the person that receives their wrath and anger, even if not at fault, you let them.

Whatever the response by the various individuals, all one can do is try to provide them emotional and spiritual support, prayers, and be willing and able to try to help them deal with the final results. Try to offer comforting words, that shoulder when needed, a passage of scripture that will help comfort them. And, most of all, forgive how they acted before and love them with the love of Christ, despite if they attacked you directly either physically or verbally; or maybe they started talking bad about you to others; whatever they may do otherwise because of their emotional response to the unpleasant true information you needed to give them.

I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. Acts 20:35

 

Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. 1 Thessalonians 5:14

 

But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. John 14:26

 

Lord, I glorify and worship You. I pray that You reach out to those who are facing unpleasant circumstances, possible loss of loved ones or whatever painful event. Give them comfort and reassurance that You have control of the situation and You will never leave or forsaken them. I pray that You help me be the support others need when such times come along. Give me the wisdom to know what You need me to do to help them and glorify You. Please help me be the vessel of Christ that I want to be and that You have planned for me. I pray that You reach out to loved ones, draw them to You, give them the thirst and hunger for Christ and a need to find and serve Him. I ask You show them Your way for their lives. I thank You for my salvation and all the blessings You give me and all the grace You show me.

In Jesus name,

Amen

 

Thanks all for visiting today. I hope something in here is helpful to at least one person, that they see there is comfort, hope and salvation for them. That regardless of what life throws at them, the losses they endure, Christ is faithful and true and will be all they need.

Have a wonderful day and don’t forget, be a blessing to any and all you can.

 

Some wounds are hard to heal.

 

 

Today, my daughter’s dog died. I feel bad for her because she loved her dog. My daughter is upset that she wasn’t home, she had taken a short trip and was due back this evening. My wife was crying while on phone with her talking about it. Hurting for her child, because that is what a parent does. But, as I saw her crying and telling my daughter how she wished she could be there with her right now to comfort her, it ripped into a wound, one that had, as much as it could, had healed. Oh, the wound, when it occurred was deep, extremely so, and in some ways, I am not sure it ever will completely heal. I have given that situation to God, and He has given me comfort, but at a time of extreme need, facing devastating loss, I was abandoned by those who one expects to be there for them at such times. I think I may have mentioned it before, but my father was dying, I was trying to do what I could for emotional support for my mother, siblings and father. But, my wife and some other family members had a trip planned, it was almost time for the trip and someone mentioned the trip in my dad’s hospital room. He was the type that didn’t like being fussed over and he told them all not to cancel their trip for him. They didn’t. They took the trip. Several times over the next few days while talking to my wife I would say how my dad was dying. Not that he was sick, not that he wasn’t doing well, it was obvious he was dying. Sometimes, she seemed not to hear, or maybe ignored it. Eventually I would say it again, her responses crushed me. She asked, “what do you want me to do?” I was hurt that she did not realize that her place should have been there to try and help comfort me and help me, as well as some other family members during that difficult time. I told her it was up to her but I did think she should be there. For the next 3 days when the subject was discussed, for some reason there were absolutely no flights available to get home. Whether she thought I was exaggerating, or that I was just being too emotional and that there was time left yet, I don’t know. But when I finally called to tell her he had died. They were all able to get flights home scheduled within a couple hours. But, I was confused, suddenly now, flights are available? Well, obviously there was not much effort until that point to try to get home. Knowing that added to the devastation of losing my father. Realizing that those who should have been there for me, were more concerned about going somewhere to have fun.

I was hurt, angry, devastated, furious, I can’t even describe the emotions. At that time, I did pray, but I was not following Christ and even though God gave me some comfort, I did not get all the comfort I could have gotten. Primarily because, even though I asked Him for comfort, and He gave it, I tried to cope with it the best I could.

Well, back to today, as I saw my wife, and heard my daughter crying and being upset about the dog, it ripped open that wound from when my father died. My wife willing to do anything to help comfort my daughter. My daughter upset at her loss. Yet, both of them had seemed callous when my dad died and I talked about the pain that I was caused because of others actions. They made excuses because of what my dad said, they justified not losing the money for the plane tickets, and not disappointing other people. Wow, the fact that it is more important to comfort someone about a dog that died than it was to be there for me not only tore open that wound, it actually made it deeper.

Spiritually, I am in a better place than I have ever been. I pray ,spend time talking to God, reading the Bible, working to get closer to Him. He has made so many differences in me. I have felt relief from burdens I had carried for a long time. But, this emotional wound revolving around that abandonment has taken a long time to even start to heal, and even though there was still hurt, like some physical wounds, there was more of a numbness than pain finally. But, oh, how it hurt to realize my value to some people. That they would have no hesitation to withdraw their love and support for selfish reasons. Obviously, I need to spend more time in prayer on this issue. I need to look to God and the scripture. I need His comfort, His support, His healing hand on me. Now, I will tell you that the abandonment at the time of my father’s illness and death destroyed my marriage. It has not been right since then, and I cannot ever see it returning to a reasonable marriage. I don’t know if I can get myself willing to even try to make it work. The wound was that deep, and the impact that severe. She made promises that she did not keep, she placed herself and others before me. That is far from what I thought love was meant to be for us. I thought love was putting the other before us, that it should be God first, spouse second, others third and self last.

But as I took some time to pray something occurred to me that relates to this situation, the Lord laid it on my heart to write about and how it is a sad commentary on society in general and Christians in particular that so many seem to quickly forget promises they make and have little hesitation to break those promises if they have something to gain by doing so. Maybe it’s a chance to take a trip or some other opportunity, there are many reasons and ways of gain that could be listed. There are many types of promises: legal in the form of a written contract; verbal when the contract is spoken; implied such as when one confides in clergy that what is discussed is private and confidential; between a lawyer and his client or doctors and their patients. There are many more that could be listed. Some promises have established penalties such as a house loan where if one doesn’t make the payments the loaner can foreclose And take possession of the house. Verbal contracts and implied contracts sometimes have established penalties as well. Physicians that improperly disclose patient information can be fined or sued. Some verbal contracts can be enforced in court as well. But what about the other promises one makes? There may not be a financial or physical penalty but there is a moral penalty, for Christians it is a sin, a form of lying.

Breaking promises can have significant impact on others as well as the guilt the one breaking the promise should feel. That applies to Christians and others. I remember being promised a trip to Disney as a child that ended up not happening.  Other things come up that prevented us from going. But to me I had been lied to and cheated out of something I was supposed to receive. I felt betrayed. Just as I felt betrayed when my wife felt a vacation was more important than being there for me. Sometimes it is unavoidable I realize that now. But I have seen so many Christians fall into situations of breaking  promises because they have more to gain if they break it.

I am not judging people that do or don’t keep promises. I consider myself to be honorable, that I am honest and that I keep my word, yet there are times I have failed but those are few thanks to how I was raised. I am sure I will hear from some that will make some sort of harsh statements and attack my characters and call me any number of things. But those that have done so know the truth, even if they speak falsely about me.

Its as I said though, a sad commentary about the willingness and ease of many Christians to  break their word. How would we feel if God broke His promises to us? He won’t because God is faithful and true. We as Christians should strive for the same thing, that we not break promises for if we are Christians we are trying to be Christ like and should do anything and everything to maintain that attitude and the actions we expect of Christ. We all fail at times, with Jesus those times should be fewer and if we are humble and earnestly repent, He will forgive our failures.

I will hope for the forgiveness of those to whom promises I made that were broken and I have forgiven and will pray for those who broke promises to me.

 

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5

 

(For the LORD thy God is a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them. Deuteronomy 4:31

 

These are but two of the MANY promises that He will not forsake us. He will not abandon, betray, break promises. He is, and always will be, faithful and true to us.

 

Lord, I praise You and thank You for Your promises, that I can know that Christ will always be there for me. I ask you to comfort me when I am feeling the pain and hurt of being betrayed and help me forgive they who have done so. I ask that You give those I have betrayed by breaking promises the heart to forgive me. I ask You continue to work in my heart to make it more like the heart of Christ and continue to show me how to fulfill Your plan for my life. I ask you to draw loved ones to You, those that don’t know You, please put the conviction in their hearts that they come ready to seek salvation. Those who do know You, work in their hearts to draw them even closer to You and that You give them the guidance for their lives and Your plan for their service to You.

Amen

 

Thanks for bearing with me as I vent, make observations and continue to grow in Christ. I hope all strive to keep all promises.