I posted a few months ago about a soldier in my Guard unit that was having issues with her ex-boyfriend harassing her. I asked her at the last drill a couple weeks ago how things were going for her and if things had settled down so she wasn’t being bothered by him anymore. Well between blocking him in email, social media and her phone as well as sending notice through a lawyer that if it didn’t stop she would pursue a restraining order and possibly other legal actions he had stopped bothering her. The only thing she had heard was an email, apparently he used a different email address and told her he had gotten married about a month before and did not want her to bother him any longer. Except, she had not bothered him, ever, other than to ask him to stop contacting her when he had tried to email, text and call. She assumed that after the last email it would had stopped. But, sometimes unexpected things happen, or things we hoped would not happen, do. Yesterday I got an email from her, apologizing for bothering me, and asking for advise. She said that a few days before he received an email from him and he talked about missing her and told her he still cared. She said she did not understand why he would do that if he was married. But, she did not reply and then, 2 days later she gets another email from the same address which was a bit, well from what she described, not hateful, but not pleasant with comments about how she should have the decency to reply. She told me she replied that time and said that her feelings had not changed and that she had reasons for breaking up with him and she was glad she did so. He answered saying he was changed, he could control his temper and he was sorry for some of the things he said when he was upset. She answered and said that it was good and that since he was married he should focus on his wife and not someone else. Back and forth with the emails a few times, she said he was fine in them once she answered and that it was kind of like an exchange between friends. He started sharing issues he has with his wife, criticisms of her, and also made comments about missing her again. She decided then that she was not wanting to continue any discussion because of how the conversation was going and told him that, wished him luck and said good bye.
Apparently, that set him off and he got more hateful in his emails and she received a couple more but did not reply and then, blocked that address as well. When she did that, he started posting excerpts from her emails on social media, but she said they weren’t exactly what she had written and that it seemed that someone had edited them somehow. Making it seem as if she was bitter that they broke up and was trying to somehow get back together with him and that he made comments that were very unkind and hateful. Well, they have mutual friends and she said that what he posted wasn’t what she actually wrote and that the things he was saying were not true. His wife and some of her friends had commented about her contacting him knowing he was “happily married.” And that it frustrated her that he is apparently telling people that she emailed him and not that she replied to one of several emails he sent her. She asked me what should she do and said what he really feels like doing is just slamming him the way he is trying to do to her and then making comments about why does this “happily married man” keep emailing her when she had asked him not to do so?
Okay, that is very obviously not a comfortable or pleasant situation for her. I asked, knowing the answer, if any of what he wrote was true. No, she said it was lies, some of it half truths, but most of it blatant lies. I asked if she thought her friends that may see it believed it and thought poorly of her from it. “No, they have all said they know he is trying to make me look like the bad guy and that I didn’t do that stuff.” I suggested that if her friends did not believe it, perhaps ignoring it was the best thing as obviously this guy was trying to somehow get her drawn into a public argument if you will, so he could try to shame her and put himself in a position that he looked like a victim and so he could try to ridicule her. Basically telling her that if she doesn’t contribute to that discussion, it will fizzle out and stop. Besides that, I mentioned that if she allowed herself to be drawn into some sort of debate or argument; she would end up getting angry and frustrated from all that and that adding to any drama or hostility would cause it to escalate further. I also suggested that she pray about it, and pray for him. Obviously this man has some issues in life and his marriage, or he would not feel the need to bother my friend and distract himself from his marriage. And, he obviously needs God in his life and to get treatment for his issues. I did tell her it was not easy to pray for someone that was doing her wrong, for an enemy basically, but that it was what was needed. He needed God and she needed to pray for him to help herself let go of the anger and frustration he was causing her to feel and instead, realize she should feel sorry for him, pity him and his unhappiness in life and pray that God work in his heart. I also said that she really should pray for his wife because obviously that young lady is not in a good situation, he is being emotionally unfaithful if he keeps contacting her. Between the guy’s issues that caused my friend to break up with him and the fact that he keeps trying to contact my friend he is obviously not truly invested in his marriage such that his wife will likely be facing some difficult times and possibly hard decisions in the near future.
Through the emails discussing all these things she told me a few other things and that she understood about praying for him and his issues as well as praying he would stop bothering her and said she would try that. Of course, I did mention that if it starts again she may need to visit with her lawyer again to discuss other options. She said she understood. I told her I would pray for her, and the others involved, as they all need God to work on things for them and give them the peace of God.
I really feel badly for all those involved, obviously more so for my friend because, well human nature is such that we tend to worry more for family and friends. But, I do feel bad about how he is treating her, and whether his wife knows it or not, he is apparently being emotionally unfaithful and expending a lot of emotional energy worrying more about my friend than his spouse. I also feel bad for him as he apparently has issues and is creating hardships and difficult situations for both my friend and his wife. Through what she told me I don’t really understand what the motivation is for his actions. Whether he is trying to make my friend look bad and himself good, if he is trying to get my friend to reconsider the relationship with him or if he has some other agenda. But, he is obviously troubled somehow.
Blessed [are] the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9
Obviously, this situation is creating some turmoil for my friend and she has a choice, contribute to the turmoil or try to be the peacemaker through prayer and allowing God to work. Praying for such can be difficult when the other person is trying to create tension. But, in times such as these, one needs to put aside the human emotion and pray for peace.
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but [rather] give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance [is] mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Roman 12:19
It isn’t easy to pray for one’s enemies, for ones that do a person wrong, but when people behave that way it is obvious that the one attacking someone as is being done has issues and needs the Lord. It will also help her if she allows God to work in her situation and not allow herself to be dragged down to the her ex-boyfriend’s level. She needs to take the “moral high ground” the path that Christ would take and pray for this person, more for her own benefit than anyone else’s.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. Romans 12:2
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. 1 John 1:7
This young lady, and all of us, have all had situations where another person has treated us poorly, attacked us, directly or indirectly, and done us wrong. We need to not think with the human mind or feel with the human heart, but instead think and feel towards those mistreating us as Christ would feel towards others; feel concern, worry, pity and love. Pray for them and through that, come closer to that which Jesus wants us to become.
Lord, I praise You and thank You for the opportunity to help this friend of mine. I thank You for helping me find the right things to say and I pray that You give me wisdom when asked for advise, not just now, but in other situations as well. I ask in the name of Jesus that You help this girl, help her avoid getting into some type of exchange or argument with this guy and others because of his behavior. I pray that You give her peace and that she is no longer harassed by this man. I pray for this man as he obviously needs You in His life that You work in His heart that He stop this behavior and allow this girl to live her life in peace. I pray for this man’s wife as she obviously is in a situation and marriage where he is not fully dedicated to her, because if he was, he would not be trying to re-establish his relationship with my friend.
God, I know that there are many people in situations that are not what they expected or were promised. There others that are dealing with difficult relationships, jobs, lack of jobs, financial difficulties, family problems, disease, loss of loved ones and more problems and worries than I can possibly imagine. I pray for them all and ask that You help them, show them mercy, love and kindness. Help them know that if they are in situations that can be changed, and need to be changed, that You help them know that You will be with them as they make the needed changes and that You will be their strength. Show them all the love of Christ so they not feel abandoned or alone, that they know they are not without hope and that You will take care of them and their needs. Draw us all closer to You, teach us Your way for our lives. Put burdens in the hearts of those who need to confess their sins, ask forgiveness and seek You. I praise You that when they do, that You will forgive them, show mercy and grace.