Well, I mentioned a while back how some of the soldiers, younger, my age and some a little older, seem to have decided that I am someone with whom they can speak about whatever. Sometimes they want to just talk, other times they want advise but sometimes I hear things that I find confusing. One soldier was talking to me about her fiancé. I guess they have been dating 6 or 7 months and she said things were going well. Then, something started seeming strange, he started wanting to introduce her to his friends from grade school and high school that he hadn’t even seen for years. He found some on social media, found out where they lived and just took her to their houses without calling or making sure they would be there, they just went. I guess they went to see 3 or 4 of these people over the last couple weekends, maybe spent about an hour or so at each place, and she said she felt very uncomfortable for some reason. The people seemed nice, but they also seemed annoyed, uncomfortable or something, but whatever it was it seemed awkward to her. At one house she over heard the friend, a woman, ask about someone else, something about what happened with you and so and so? Well, it was a former fiancé of his. All of the introductions and visits seemed a little forced, like there was just something off about the situations and she couldn’t put her finger on it, but it made her feel more uncomfortable. She told me that she found out that most of the people that she was introduced to were not really his good friends from school, but that of the ex-fiancé, one was one of her best friends. She asked me, “Sir, why would he be worried about going around to her friends to introduce me? It makes me feel like everything with me is just a fake and he is using it to try to make his ex-girlfriend jealous like if he is successful and she decides that she wants to get together with him again he will dump me and run back.” Then, went on to talk about how it seems like he continues to seem to be worried about some other ex-girlfriends the same way. And, that she is wondering if he is only using her to show off to people.
I wasn’t sure how to respond. Did she want advise? My impression of the situation? How should she respond to his actions and some comments he has made? I didn’t know a scripture to give that would apply. All I knew to say was that I agreed that there was something concerning about that type of behavior and suggested she start paying attention to other behaviors to see if it is possible he is trying to “hedge his bet” by having options for her if something happens to that relationship. I also said that if he is considering options this early, he will always consider what other options are available and if considering prior or potential relationships, that person is not dedicated to the current relationship and in many ways seems focused on a past relationship more than this one.
I asked if they attended church and she said yes, they do and he was “very religious” and is quick to point out sin. When I asked more about that, she stated that he tells her about what she did, or does, that are sins. He frequently points out that doing this or that are sins, things like using tobacco, alcohol or drugs, cursing, judging others. But, she then mentioned that he chews, sometimes has a beer, often swears and is very critical of others when I asked if what he criticizes others for was consistent in his own behavior, so no, he expects others to behave one way, while he does differently. I asked how he treated other people and she said he was nice to people. I asked everyone and she replied, after some thought, “well, he gets kind of hateful to people that don’t do what he wants them to do. Sometimes he talks down to others like he thinks he is better like when we go out to eat and he doesn’t think the waiter or waitress is doing a good enough job.”
Well, I told her that maybe the chaplain would be better for her to speak to on this if she wanted a more Biblical perspective but that relationships were hard and sometimes God starts showing us things in others when we are willing to open our eyes to see. I told her that what she was saying and that fact that she wanted to talk about it told me she was having doubts and suggested she pray that God help her have discernment to see this guy for what he was in reality and for guidance on if she should consider breaking up or try working on the relationship.
For the word of God [is] quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and [is] a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5
Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people? I Kings 3:9
I told her I would pray for her about things, that God give her the understanding and wisdom to do what she needed to do.
In times like this, it is difficult, I am not a relationship counselor and in her case, criticizing him could make her defensive about it and she would not be open for input. I figured, the best I could do was ask the questions and let the responses be hers. I also thought that seeking God’s guidance was the only way that would really help her. I pray for this young lady, that if God truly be in the relationship that He work in the boyfriend to make him into the man this lady needs but if the guy has a different agenda He open the girl’s eyes to see the truth and to know what she needs to do.
Lord, I praise You and thank You for the many blessings I am given. I thank You for the opportunity to try to help someone and pray that I allow You to work through me to help. I ask in Jesus name that when situations such as this arise I have the words that You wish me to speak and that I am able to glorify You and help others find the truth through You. Help this young lady to know and understand the truth so she know how to proceed. Whatever direction she need take, give her the strength to do what she needs to do. I pray for others, including myself, that are in relationships that are in relationships that may not be emotionally or spiritually healthy for them that You show them how to improve the relationships or the path they should take with their lives. I pray that as you work in us all to understand things that You use whatever circumstance to draw us nearer to You, teach us Your will, help us know the path You prepare for us and not to only see the path we wish to take.
Thanks for stopping by today. I am not sure this is really a big revelation to anyone, if it will help or not, but I figured if it was an issue someone wanted to talk about, then maybe there are others in similar situations. I hope someone is blessed by this, that they take time to pray and seek God in their lives to help them understand. I also would like to remind all to try to be a blessing to someone today.