My daughter was involved with a guy and when I first met him he seemed like a nice guy. We visited some while she was here and he told me about his job, at the time was working with homebound people and was in the process of applying for Physical Therapist programs. At that time, I had no reason to think otherwise, so I believed all he said. She seemed to like him and all, so no reason for alarm. Then, a few weeks later they were here to visit us again and during the conversation he asked about where I had been with the military and such. I talked about some of those things, and EVERY TIME I said I had been here or there, he said, “yeah, I liked it there, I went when I worked with the companies that leased mineral reserves.” but, was vague on his experiences there, places he had seen and all. I talked about other places, and it was the same thing. I have been to a lot of countries over 30+ years, yet he had been to them all in only a couple years. We talked more and there were countries to which I have travelled that there is an extremely low likelihood that anyone would travel for the purposes he gave. Hmmm, a little concern developing. I then asked about why he left that job as based on the information he gave me it paid really well and he had the opportunity to travel. Well, he had only been with them a year or so and they were downsizing due to decrease in prices so he was terminated. This didn’t line up with some other things he had said and especially with all the places he said he had been as some he said was there for a month or so and putting those pieces together the time frame for all the places and the duration of time spent there would have been 4 or more years. Hmmmm, further discrepancies were noticed. I started to have some concerns but didn’t say anything to my daughter because she would have not listened and would have gotten upset at me and been more likely to try to defend him, which would have resulted in her not being willing to accept discrepancies if she saw them herself.
Over the next 2 years he had multiple jobs, from a few weeks to a few months, everytime he had to quit because of coworkers that were jealous because he worked so much harder than them, or because the employer treated him unfairly, expecting more from him than they did other employees. Somehow, each time he was the victim.
Hmm, seems that some people have troubles no matter where they go. But, while I had seen the pattern months before, my daughter hadn’t, or at least wouldn’t admit it to herself and still did not, as she believed when he said explained how he was the victim and was being treated badly. I mentioned it seemed odd that every place he worked, he left because everyone else started giving him trouble and maybe one or two places, but not several. Of course, she didn’t like it and started defending him to me. I said nothing more as I could see she wouldn’t listen to what I could see objectively. She mentioned these things to her mom a couple weeks later, and said, “I believed it at first, but then time after time he has said he quit jobs for one reason or another but it has always been because he was treated unfairly. I wonder if he is quitting or getting fired. And, dad said something a couple weeks ago, but I didn’t want to believe it then, now I am not so sure.” No way for her to verify what he said, unless she could talk to the employer and that didn’t seem right. She thought about asking his former coworkers, but he had never wanted her to meet the people he worked. That was something she thought was strange too. But, the fact that in less than 2 years he had at least 4 jobs, 3 in less than one year and every time he was treated badly. It was never his fault but he made sure she couldn’t find out different than what he said. My daughter was starting to see that things did not seem to add up quite right.
Then one day she received a message from some woman she didn’t know, explaining that my daughter’s boyfriend had been involved with her in the past, when my daughter and she were supposed to have been engaged. She gave her the time frames, explained the circumstances and that his stories at first seemed believable, but then little things seemed off, then more things started to seem odd. Finally, he took a phone call when she was with him and the girl overheard it. He was talking to my daughter. After he hung up, she confronted him and he admitted, after a lot of denial, he had not been honest about everything. The girl said it wasn’t right that he was doing that and she would not see him again. She went on to tell my daughter that was about 6 months or so before and over the last couple weeks he had started contacting her again and the day before said he was going to be down where she lives for a few days because he really wanted to see her. She asked if he was still involved with my daughter and he gave a vague answer, not really, I told my daughter he was coming to see his mom, but really he wanted to see the other woman. She told him to contact her when he was in the area. So she decided to contact my daughter, explained what had happened, apologized for her part but said she didn’t know about her initially and when she found out, she stopped the relationship. That he was trying to come see her but she was not going to get involved with him again and was not going to actually see him. She and my daughter exchanged messages and it became obvious to my daughter he had been lying. So, while he was supposed to be out of town seeing his mom but planned on seeing the other woman, my daughter was boxing his stuff and changing locks. He returned and found his things in the driveway with a note. He tried arguing that it was all a lie, that what the other woman said wasn’t true, etc. But, my daughter began to wonder about other relationships. He had been married once, divorced, and my daughter knew he had children and was paying child support. But, he had refused to let my daughter meet his children or talk with their mom.
Over the course of their relationship he pressured her for information about old boyfriend, wanting to know details about why they had broken up. She answered his questions, but then when she asked him the same questions he was extremely vague at first. She told him it wasn’t fair that he expected details and full answers but he just said they broke up but wouldn’t answer more. Finally, after she got irritated and he figured he had to say something and he had told her how all of the women he had dated before her had cheated on him or suddenly started showing severe personality problems he couldn’t tolerate or somehow otherwise mistreated him so he had to break up with them. Apparently at least 4 other women over the last 2 or 3 years before she started dating him. She got a little curious and looked at his older posts on facebook and the things he said about each when he started seeing each and when things were good were almost identical every time and had said to her. He said each time that each woman was the only one for him, the one true love of his life. Then, after they broke up, he was harsh and said some less than things about them. She looked them up on facebook, sent messages explaining situation and asked about him. She had 5 names, including the ex-wife. She sent messages to all. Only one did not reply and the stories they told were so different from what he had told her and despite not knowing each other, their stories were similar, in fact almost identical. He was over the top great at first, couldn’t do enough, flowers, gifts, and all. But, he lied about jobs, lied about other relationships, refused to let any of them meet his friends or co-workers, did not want them talking to hardly anyone that knew him, only a very few of his family members that he apparently thought would not tell someone anything he did not want them to hear. He also tried to isolate each of them from their own family and friends, keep them insulated from others so that he had better control. Insisted they block different people on facebook because they were not good people for her to know, he didn’t like them, didn’t approve of them, etc.
The contrast between his stories and theirs, as well as the consistency in his pattern of behavior each and every time was amazing. Each time, he finally did something to show each of them his true self, no matter what happened in his life if it was bad he was always the victim, plus started showing some anger issues. When talking about how he was done wrong he almost went into a total and uncontrollable rage, lashing out at whoever he felt had done him wrong. Verbally, in texts, emails, everything. My daughter finally realized the circumstances. When she found that all the former girlfriends said they didn’t cheat, that he had lied about a lot of things, refusing to discuss concerns, had severe anger issues and those were the reasons why they broke up with him. She also learned that even months after they had broken up with him, he would occasionally text, saying that while he had a girlfriend he still cared for them and would take them back and asked if he could see that person. And, she found was also that he tried to rekindle relationships while he was supposedly engaged to another woman. And, that he proposed in a very short time and started pushing for a wedding date, trying to get married sooner rather than later.
She realized that his desire to keep her insulated from the others, family, friends, from the coworkers and such was because he simply did not want her to know the truth. He was trying to control her and control what information she could obtain. She finally realized that no one person is always the victim and usually, when one claims that with each job, each relationship that there must be something else involved and most likely is the one playing victim. She took time to look and consider things carefully and realize he had a personality disorder and maybe some other issues.
SO, great, he was not as good as he seemed at first and was a chronic liar about circumstances about prior jobs and relationships but what is the point?
One point is more about people needing to be cautious for those that seek to enter their lives. Whether as friend, employee, or any other relationship. People that have been in multiple relationships, had multiple jobs, had all manner of things like that occur and every time ends up ending because of the person being victimized, cheated on, mistreated by coworkers, etc is more likely to be the person that says he was the victim than that many other people.
The biggest point is that we as Christians need to be alert for people that are not giving accurate teachings, rather than preaching from the Bible, using what is considered standard translations only. King James, New International and others that are considered accurate, they use nonstandard interpretations or manipulate the scripture. Rather than trying to clarify points that are meant to help people understand the scripture better, they teach their own interpretation and says that all those Bibilical scholars are wrong. They teach that their understanding of scripture is the only truth and that listening to others will only confuse them so don’t listen to others teaching differently than that person (even if all the others are teaching the same teachings as one another but different only from his teachings.) Especially when they insert additional information or leave portions out.
I believe that God wants us to sort of have some flexibility in our understanding of the scriptures. That as we mature in Christ our understanding may increase. Certain passages may mean something to us when we are younger, less mature, but as we increase in knowledge our understanding increases, and the increased understanding gives us more full knowledge. It never changes the basic meaning of the scripture, it doesn’t suddenly mean something totally different. It says it better to us. SO, in that way, we have to understand it isn’t rigid. I also believe that one passage or another can be applied to different aspects of our life that we may not have realized previously. Still, the meaning is not changing.
And, the final thought is that churches, congregations, pastors, elders all be alert for new members that come in and quickly seem to be trying to get to point of prominence. Making a variety of claims for their qualifications that indicate they need to be in that position of influence, maybe teaching bible study or Sunday school classes, or otherwise moving into positions they can influence others. Using the church to do so. I know one instance where one man came to a church twice, started talking to the Music worship leader to not join the choir, but to be able to sing solos and when it was suggested that he take time to get to know the church better, and let the church know him better, he became frustrated and more aggressive in his pursuit of being allowed to sing what he wanted anytime. He had to have it just his way. Thankfully, the church leadership was alert and did not allow it. The guy got mad and never came back to church there. The music leader told me some time later, when I asked what happened to the guy, what happened, and that they had checked a little bit and apparently he had done this several places and ended up creating a lot of turmoil within the music ministry and the church, tried taking over the choice of songs during services, changing the arrangements to suit himself and multiple other ways. Yeah, those that have to rush, usually don’t want their ways found out before they have had the impact they want to have on a place.
31 Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
If one comes in truth and one seeks truth, then the truth will be found. The truth of Christ as Son of God and Savior.
4 And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
5 For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
There are those that seek to deceive, but only one is Christ.
7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
There are those who would try to deceive us, to only present what they wish we see. Among those they deceive, they deceive themselves as their true ways will be seen.
6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.
8 For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light:
9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;)
10 Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord.
We must remain diligent, pray for discernment ask for God to show us the truth. If we do not try to see the truth, we won’t. Like my daughter, she did not want to see the truth so she didn’t, finally she had no choice but to see it and once she looked, she saw and is now the better for it.
Lord, I pray in Jesus Name that You work in all of us to be able to discern the truth, to gain the knowledge we need to avoid the snares of the deceivers. To be diligent in our watch that we not drop our guard and allow ourselves or others to be used by these people. In life and in our spiritual lives. Give us all the wisdom to see. I ask You work in me to help me see all the good that is there, but also the bad that I must avoid. I thank You for the salvation I received, for redemption of my sins. I ask You keep me steadfast in my faith that You are even now answering prayers I have offered for us all to have that wisdom and that those who need salvation learn to seek the truth of Jesus as the Redeemer. Protect my loved ones and others from the harm that some seek to bring to them.
In Christ’s name, amen.
Well, I am going to say, that I really did not intend to make this a dissertation. But, to best understand in my mind, I needed some of the details to be fresh, and I figure that telling everyone the same thing ahead of time will help readers understand better. I do thank you for bearing with me.