I continue to work on understanding myself, my personal needs and shortcomings. I often have trouble seeing myself objectively. Not because I don’t want to find what needs fixed, but because human nature is such that a person candy coats negative thoughts about who they are and when trying to look from the inside out lose perspective. Someone who’s opinion I value mentioned that it seems I may be directing anger and finding fault with others. My intent is to use this as a tool to improve myself. I try to think outside of me and try to look at me as others may see me. Perspective is a strange thing since depending on the view point one can see the same thing as different. I think of the story about the blind men that were taken to an elephant and told to describe it. Well, the description was a lot different based on where on the animal they focused their attention. None were completely wrong, but none were right in their assessments. I am hoping by trying to see myself from someone else’s perspective I can see what issues I have that need attention to help me improve, my walk with Christ and my life in general.
There was also discussion about dwelling in the past and not moving forward. In the military after every mission, training or real, what is called an After Action Review. It is done to identify what things went right and what went wrong. Well, the right actions should be acknowledged, people given pats on the back for a job well done and items kept as a reference, but the wrong things need to be identified so the same wrong actions are not repeated, seeing where a failure was; communication, transportation, inaccurate maps, etc. Take a hard look, see how things were done, determine better options and make note of a lesson learned. Or, in my case in life, lessons, many lessons.
I have given all to the Lord and He has forgiven me. I have forgiven myself. However, I have learned that one cannot ignore the past. One cannot pretend what is done is done, move forward and all will be fine. No, I have to learn what I have done wrong so I know better what I need do to be better in the future.
I believe myself to be a smart man. I have learned many things so far in life and still have a lot to learn. I just wish I was a wish man. More than once I have heard my dad quote “It’s good to be smart, but better to be wise.” Then, would add “You know, a smart man learns from his own mistakes, but a wise man learns from the mistakes of others.” He didn’t say where he read that originally but did acknowledge that he hadn’t made it up himself. Also added that he was far smarter than he was wise.
As I write, I write in the first person, it works better for me. But, the one that I am being critical of is me, no one else. I am not trying to blame anyone but me for my actions and I am not trying to shame myself, but to use the past to improve on the future. I don’t want to keep repeating the same mistakes.
I thank all for the input. Never hurts to have an azimuth check. Another military term meaning make sure your compass bearing is correct.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all [men] liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5
But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, [and] easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. James 3:17
Lord, thank you for all you have done for me. The list is long. I praise you for love and mercy. I ask that you give me that wisdom from above to better live to show you to others. Guide my thoughts, actions and words. Use me as a tool for you to help bring others to Christ.
Please, continue to work in the hearts and lives of my family, loved ones and others to call to them and bring them to you that they may enjoy all the gifts you offer.
I hope something I write helps someone else as much as it does me to write it. As I have mentioned before, the act of writing helps me think things through better. Please share or comment as you feel lead.